Morning Glory (Ipomoea violacea) 

A specie of flowers cultivated as perennial plants. Yes, I studied and practised conventional agricultural science in secondary school. Ok, really, I will cut to the chase here. According to someone’s urban dictionary definition, morning glory (MG) is – When you wake up with morning wood, put it in your girlfriend’s ass and yell “the south will rise again!”

I simply define it as ’waking up with a boner’. So why this inference to ‘morning’. Would you argue that ‘morning glory’ only occurs in men and only in the mornings? Do women not get horny in the mornings? Is there a word for this? I am not aware of any distinctions. If I asked my dad, ‘Dad, do you know what morning glory means?”, do you assume I may get a meaningful response? He is 70! Would he know that this word makes reference to a sexual semantic register? Probably not! It’s been used by other generations after his time. 

MG is when I see a clog of blood, pumped and pressured, erect and proud, strong and straight, hard and ready to release cum in any way virtually possible, well in men. 

If or when MG is happening with my man and I lie with him in a spooning position, MG is ready to start poking my bum, its ready for the narrow gap between my thighs, to shoot! Often times it’s a way for him to say ‘Good morning darling, I am awake, now, please help sort out my morning glory’. It’s pathetic!!! But also an interesting concept of the male anatomy and genital concept.

I don’t know why I blogged about this but I think I can make a conscious link to why.

So I walked into this restaurant in Angel not too long ago. This restaurant is apparently considered to be the best Vietnamese restaurant in London. Well rated by Timeout and Vietnam friends! A friend and I noticed this board in the front of the restaurant as we walked in. We read the words written with a chalk, looked at ourselves and burst into laughter, giggling like silly children in class learning about sex education for the first time!! It read, “Morning Glory Fries with garlic chlli – £6.75!” I was wide eyed! Apparently, in Thailand, morning glory is a tasty vegetable dish usually fried or sautéed. I wondered whether it was the same in Vietnam. Cultural borders tend to share these forms in a somewhat odd and unclear fashion. Anyway, you can imagine what was going on in our heads and what we possibly talked about (if we ordered MG!) I will so eat Morning Glory when I visit Thailand possibly later in the year. 

Morning Glory! It’s a word that baffles me. Its reference to sexual energy, to a flower and to a Southeast Asian meal. So why ‘glory’? You wake up perhaps lying with him in bed, in a spooned position.  It’s probably sunrise, an organ of the male anatomy shouts in its expansion at you, ‘let me in, let me in!!! In its always GLORIFIED form, as hard as wood with precum rolling down the tip because often times you wonder why you can fill that liquid on your bum or bare skin. Where has it emerged from?. It couldn’t be my drool streaming down my mouth down to my behind, could it?  The annoying part of it is, once it starts poking, you have to wake. It’s that freaky poking effect it has on you. But many times I don’t want to wake at that exact minute. I still need sleep. So why would this silly phwoarr which I could probably slap to sleep, wake me up? It’s nature in unison with anatomy that does it. It’s a powerful concept. I wondered also that funny enough, whether I am with him or not, MG is  probably bound to happen. They say it. Men say they don’t necessarily need a woman lying next to them for them to have MG. I am gloristonished by it all.

One major fuck up of MG is this: It is wholly embarrassing if you are usually woken in the morning by a female relative, particularly a mother, and you have a rather obvious ‘tent’ made from your sheets.

But the uses for morning glory have always been an autonomy belonging to the receiver, the woman in most cases.

So in a not so scientific meaning, this is what causes MG: MG occurs when the penis becomes engorged and oxygenated during sleep. Voilà!!!

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Robin Williams

Please sir, I want some more

Oliver Twist


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