12 steps to lasting love

I constantly read all of these cliché articles with over-used, repetitive, recycled lists of how to love, what love means, what love really means, when you truly love, romantic love, your guide to eternal love, bladahblah, the meaning of unconditional love, how to be romatically loved etc etc blah blah blah.

It’s mostly nonsensical if I am being totally honest.

It makes me wonder, can you actually teach people how to love. Can you measure true love against the (subjective) standards or content of a published piece of write up/ article, written by one person (or a handful of people), out of billions of people in the world (as the one you are about to read now, no?) Yes.

But I am not saying existing definitions or illustrations of love are incorrect. I think love is a powerful energy that is very difficult to categorise, define or analyse.

So the only thing that stands out for me with this piece- is the title. “12 steps to lasting love

Notice the word here- ‘Steps’ – meaning love is a growth process. It’s not a start-finish project. It is a proactive consciousness that each of us need to have to be better people.  Think about all the people you ‘truly’ love. You love them all because of what they ‘PERSONALLY’ mean/represent to you. The truth, meaning, we actually love for selfish reasons.  And like I learned from the lovely K. Berg, paraphrasing…

We are meant to understand that love is not an energy that says, “I love you, my child, because I benefit from you (or I had you); because everything you do in this world is mine; because through you, I can expand myself. 

Nor is love an energy that says, “I love you, my husband, because you give me so many things, make my life complete etc. Or I love you, my friend, because you like me; you are there for me, because you are part of my same social status; because you like the things that I do; because you appreciate who I am.” 

Unequivocally, love does not calculate, discriminate, does not give conditions- it is an energy that consciously (constantly) connects us to humanity. For no reason, purely, purely for the ability to care for other people.

I cannot for certain say I, personally am able to achieve this but I am consciously aware it’s an area I need to focus on. I need to stop saying things like “I hate my boss”. Hate and Love have the same principles if you dig deep into the causes of both energies’. The only reason we hate people is same as the reason we love them. Personal, conditional, circumstantial. “Boss, makes my life miserable at work”. What if he didn’t? So what, he does?

Your spouse, the one you fell so deeply in love with- all the qualities that made them your spouse is what makes them who they are and why you chose them. However, there is a slip, a dire life challenge, a mistake, a disagreement, irreconcilable conflicts; you fall out of love with them. It gradually diminishes. There is resentment. It’s unforgiving. There is a thin line between love and hate. Sometimes, there is hate. Question? Why do we think we actually loved them in the first place? It’s an interesting soul search, this concept of love.

So, this is the only validated list I can confidently say I believe in (I did not read this anywhere, I received the list, learning about life tools). You don’t need to accept it. I did!

(Lasting) Love is:

  1. A Continuous (work) process
  2. Beyond the 1% emotion – i.e the value (99%) of the (human) relationship isn’t material. This means that you have to see deeper than the worldly illusion- marriage, a mortgage, homes, cars, children, successful career, all material things- These are all your 99%! Where is your 1%? After all the aforementioned, where is the rest of your life?
  3. Not limited
  4. Always find the higher spiritual goal- whether you are atheist, humanist or nothing-ist. Religion is not spirituality!!!
  5. Balance
  6. Time, state and motion
  7. Without expectations or conditions
  8. A need to alienate the thought process of …”it’s my entitlement”
  9. Not feeling a lack of emptiness
  10. A need to eliminate ‘I am the cause, I am the victim’
  11. Always giving – always!
  12. A concept that says physical relationship is never the cause – only the result!




  1. Sandra · January 19, 2016

    Like the bit about – love is a growth process. Not many people appreciate that. Brilliant read x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mark Ryan · January 26, 2016

    I would also add ‘Zero-negativity’, it does wonders.
    Great post, as always; insightful. Wise words: I bow and kiss your feet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • jbugged · January 26, 2016

      Thanks Mark. I bow to yours also. You teach me to be a better person


      • Mark Ryan · January 26, 2016

        Youn make me believe i can!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ij · June 9, 2016

    Great piece. I love it.

    Liked by 1 person

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