Emotionally Detached from Public Toilets 

Yes because why should I? Let’s get to the bottom of it…(no pun intended!)It’s a hole. A public one which I need JUST for one single sole reason – to pee!

Why would I (anyone normal) want to take a shit in a public toilet? Do people doll/dapper up, leave the comfort of their private bathrooms whether it’s filthy or spick and span to go to a public toilet to have a shit. Even if my sudden irritable bowel system decides to fuck up by surprising me with unexpected shit, I can tell you right now that I have some pretty fascinating mental and physical human powers to tell that shit to stick the fuck up right into the tube where it was sent out by those silly digestive buggers because there is no way on this earth I am bloody taking a shit in a public toilet!!! Don’t ask me how I suppress it. No fucking way! The human body can do extremely fascinating things like when your brain orders poop to stay where it should be until ‘I am in a clean comfortable space to download’ or when your brain and bladder plays that game that keeps you from peeing yourself in public until you get to a toilet. 

My point? So why do people get so fucking hung up on dirty or even semi clean toilets and why some murfur hasn’t flushed after their doodle? If you can’t control your number 1 & 2 until you get to a private bathroom, why moan about the state of a public one? Why waste emotions on a public facility that is for public use? It’s meant to be a hole where you (woman) ought to stand over like men do and release yourself of excess waters. Don’t get unnecessarily hung up on why it doesn’t smell like your lavender potpourri’ed toilet and why it smells like a public toilet. It’s been used over time by several thousands or even millions of women who have (perhaps not) smelly vaginas and the linger of those whifs is what obviously keeps the toilets smelling the way they do. And because it’s a hole which receives from many holes, sometimes two holes at the same time, you will find pubic hair and pee (and perhaps shit) residue and sometimes menstrual blood on the toilet seat and/or all around the floor. It’s hard to take the picture of those in but it’s reality. So why bother and get so fussed swearing under your breath about a fucking public toilet? Its public and you can’t control the actions of other human beings. No way! It’s a hole you have no connection with. None. So just do your business (pee) and walk! You shouldn’t sit on it, make any physical contact with it, or even look at it. The way we women pee anatomically shouldn’t even allow us to look into that hole. Just pee and get the fuck out. I use a tissue to open public toilet doors everywhere (even if I was at the Waldorf Astoria) and if you have seen the movie ‘Aviator’, I am more ridiculous in a public toilet than this obsessive compulsive germaphobe (DiCaprio). I literally dance around and make some really weird movements in the bid to get the exit door open and not touch the handle of the door. That’s how detached I am. Leave the poor hole alone and those millions of vaginas whose pee have been in those holes. Leave them alone! Yes we get it, so don’t reiterate the obvious! It’s filthy! Just do your business and leave, please. Leave the outburst of emotions for the poor Eastern Europeans or African immigrants who end up dealing with shit (no pun intended) everyday they spend in those cheap labour jobs. Leave the curses and the swearing to them because trust me, they do it everyday till they leave those jobs. You only walked into one toilet. One!. They clean many daily, sometimes on an hourly basis. Imagine the psychological & damaging trauma they have to deal with everyday cleaning many public toilets? They must dream of shit every night. It must be hard for them. Worry about keeping your toilets clean and perhaps more serious issues such as upcoming tube strikes, keeping a job, more migrants crossing to Macedonian borders who probably end up cleaning shit in more public toilets, the Middle East & Syria, the world’s socio- economic issues etc etc- and of course how you are going to survive peeing in that next public toilet on a coach trip, or at Kings X station, in London’s many grimy bars and horrid toilets. Worry about not being the unlucky one to pee in a bar’s public toilet and realise they have run out of tissue, or worse off, there is no soap in the dispensers and perhaps you were just about to go back to your spicy chicken wings or burgers. Yes. Worry about that. And while you are at it, don’t take the free candies and sweets they leave in those ‘public toilets’. Don’t curse under your breath because no one can hear you! 

I am emotionally detached. Be!

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